Balance. An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.
That doesn't sound bad. And when people talk about Work-Life Balance, they mean something positive (usually, most of the time). My favorite/least favorite question: How do you balance it all? Like I've achieved this perfect state in my life. Ha! Anyone that has spent more than 2 minutes with me knows that's definitely NOT the case.
Balance itself is not a bad thing. The concept is good. But the connotations, the imagery that comes to mind, I believe, is dangerous. I believe the idea of balance, like the scale pictured above, leads to dangerous expectations that we will never be able to achieve. Life is too messy for that. Beautifully messy, but messy nonetheless. I believe we all fall into some or all of these traps, consciously or subconsciously, and I would challenge you to start thinking differently about this.
Here are the dangerous connotations I'm talking about that the word balance conjures up in my mind ...
- Balance requires you to take away from one to add to the other. You cannot be plentiful in both. Both sides of the scale cannot be at the top. You can only have two piles of mediocre. (Work and family in this case). Or you add to the other without taking away from the other - you burn the candle at both ends. It's not sustainable.
- Balance brings to mind imagery of a gymnast on a balance beam, or acrobat walking a tight rope, trying to maintain balance. They are always one wrong move from disaster, just one small stumble from failure.
- Balance is precise and perfect. It is inflexible, unchanging, and it is delicate. Life, both family and work require flexibility.
- Balance is the end result, that once you achieve, never changes as long as you don't touch it. Life is messy, life changes. Our life ebbs and flows. We change, our families' needs change, our job needs change. Oh, and we raise tiny humans.
- Without balance you are not steady, you cannot thrive. Without perfect balance, something is amiss. Nobody's life is perfect, anyone you think has a perfect life, I invite you to get to know them better.
The first six months being back to work after my son was born, I struggled mightily with trying to find my right formula for balance. I had to concede my career, or I had to concede my dreams of being a wonderful mom. (See #1 above) At least that's what I believed. Then, one night after tearfully breaking down to my husband, I decided I had to have both. I was still going to chase my career, do something I was passionate about, and be damn good at it. And I was going to be an amazing mom. Period.
This concept is the entire reason for this blog. This concept was born over four years ago, on that tearful night. To encourage women, to share some of the lessons I learned along the way, and to build a community of women to cheer each other on. We owe each other grace, and most importantly, we owe ourselves grace.
Before we can talk about how to find fulfillment in our lives, all aspects of our lives, and especially in the mix of work and family, I believe we have to address head on the negative connotations and associations we have with this concept of balance, acknowledge them, and refuse to fall into those traps. I'll leave you with this - the reason this blog was created, the reason I am so passionate about this topic, my two tiny humans, my little pumpkins. We all have our reasons, and here are mine!
